Moving from New Zealand to Singapore reframed domestic help for me, from a “nice to have” to a real enabler of women’s ambition. When done with dignity and fair standards, the helper system isn’t exploitation; it’s care infrastructure that creates opportunity on both sides.

The mindset shift: from DIY pride to strategic delegation

As I settle into Singapore, one thing I’m deeply grateful for is having a helper. Friends from New Zealand will recognise this tension: DIY is in our DNA. We fix, paint, mow, and batch-cook because “that’s what you do.” I respect that ethic. But here’s my reality as a single, working mum: I can be great at my job, present with my daughter, and sleep, or I can do all the cooking and laundry. Pick two.

I believe in letting professionals do professional work. Out of the thousand things I juggle, housework is essential but not where I create my highest value. Delegating it doesn’t make me less capable; it makes me more effective.

Why Singapore, really

People often ask why I left New Zealand for Singapore. There were many reasons, but here’s an honest one: support. In New Zealand, I had the big house and the car; what I didn’t have was a realistic way to solo-parent while holding a demanding role. In Singapore, a predictable and reliable support system exists. Meals appear on time. Floors don’t silently reproach me. My daughter is cared for by someone who respects my parenting approach. That cognitive load I used to spend on “what’s for dinner?” is now invested in “what impact can I make?” (Also: one reliable helper beats a “forever-on-toilet” husband :D )

What changes when support shows up

When my toddler tornadoes the living room, my helper restores order - no drama, no guilt dance. That buys me time to write, think, and build. The house stays clean, my child stays cared for, and my energy stays focused. This is not “having it all.” It’s prioritising well.

Her story matters too

I had to admit, shamefully, it was eye-opening for me to hear my helper’s story.

My helper is from Myanmar. She started working as a domestic helper when she was 13 years old.  Once earned the equivalent of a 5 dollars a month. Despite that she has worked more than 15 years, she has 0 savings. All her hard-earned money goes back to support her elder parents, multiple siblings, and siblings’ next generation. Her siblings, who couldn’t leave home, started families as soon as they turned 20 years old and now work at the farm while raising a few kids.

Here, she earns exponentially more, lives in a safe environment, and gains exposure to a modern city. Her path is different from her siblings, not because she’s “lucky,” but because mobility plus fair work opened a door.

Is every story like this? No. Which is why standards and safeguards matter.

Power, privilege, responsibility

A helper isn’t a “servant.” She’s an employee and a human. If we choose this model, we also choose obligations: fair pay, rest days, private space, respect, clear duties, safety, medical care, and opportunities to learn. That’s the social contract. When upheld, it’s not charity; it’s dignified exchange. When broken, it’s exploitation. Be the former, never the latter.

Why this is women’s empowerment

Domestic help is often framed as a luxury. I see it as women’s infrastructure:

• It frees cognitive bandwidth and time for paid work, study, rest, and presence with our kids.

• It keeps single parents’ careers viable.

• It lifts not only the employer’s household, but also the worker’s family and over time their community through remittances and skills.

That’s a genuine two-way value chain.

To my NZ & AU friends

DIY culture builds grit, but it can quietly trap women in unpaid, invisible labour. Thoughtfully designed helper systems, backed by regulation and dignity, are worth considering. It’s not about outsourcing care; it’s about sharing it well.

My take, distilled

• Time is the scarcest resource for modern parents. Buy back hours, invest them where only you can create value.

• Delegation is not moral failure; disorganised martyrdom is.

• Empowerment scales when both sides win: the employer gets headspace; the worker gets income, safety, and mobility.

• The measure of this system is not convenience, it’s how well we honour the people who make it possible.

I didn’t move to Singapore for chilli crab (okay, maybe a little). I moved for time, to be a better mum, a better leader, and a more intentional human. The helper culture, done right, gave me that. If that’s not empowerment, what is?